One of the worst parts of being part of the "Always Available Society" is cell phones in public bathrooms. For some reason it is taboo now-a-days to not be instantly available to every person all the time. As part of that it is unheard of to not answer your phone when it rings, even if you are taking a dump.

What the hell is that about? Is that the evolution of our society, because if so, let me out. I walked into the bathroom at work and not 1 but 2 people were on cell phones, one guy standing at a urinal with his neck at an extreme angle trying to pinch his cell phone to his ear while he zipped up, and another sitting in a stall. Both chatting away.

Here is what I plan to do about it.

1. I am going to not answer the phone in the bathroom, or most other times really, I hate the telephone.

2. If I call you and you are busy, feel free to call me back when you have time to talk.

3. If I am talking to you and I feel the urge to evacuate my bowels or my bladder, I'll get off the phone first.

4. When in the bathroom with people on the phone I am going to make as much obscene noise as possible. And throw out such standard bathroom chatter as "How's it hanging?"

Here is an observation and a question:

Mister shoulder holder slunk out of the bathroom without washing up, so clearly when on the phone it is important to not disrupt your conversation to wash your hands. What decision did mister stall talker make about wiping? I don't know, because I got the hell outta there.

AuthorKevin McAllister